05-26-2011 Me: “Baby, why are your hands wet?” The Baby: “I was pretending to play in da dog’s watah bowl.” Me: “Pretend to not touch me.”
05-27-2011 The Baby is *always* to blame! Always. RT: @BeccaBuerkle My call failed while talking to @SavannahB. I blame #DestructoTot.
05-28-2011 There is no end to the list of weird stuff #DestructoTot destructs. Spaghetti on the walls, crushed ice cream cones, pulled-out VHS tape…
05-30-2011 ”We don’t like to put glue on our cheeks and nosey nose-ies,” said The Baby as she rubbed a glue stick on her cheeks and nosey nosey.
05-04-2011 Every now and then The Baby looks and acts *just like* John Belushi. I hope this isn’t a portent of things to come.
05-10-2011 Now The Baby is awake and earnestly stage-whispering, “I used to be a pirate! I used to be a PIRATE!”
05-25-2011 Things The Baby has poured out and/or crushed today: potato flakes, the dog’s water, Lucky Charms, my will to go on.
05-25-2011 The Baby just crawled out of the bathtub, streaked through the kitchen, stole her sister’s pretzels, howled, and ran back to the tub.
04-03-2011 When Jeremy asks “What happened to the ___,” or, “Why is the ___ broken,” the answer is always the same: The Baby.
04-07-2011 The Baby just pointed at me accusingly, and in a very low tone said, “You’re on your 96.”
04-11-2011 Tonight at bedtime, The Baby told a joke: “Why did six scared of seven?… Banana who!!” #comedienne
04-12-2011 In the span of time it took for me to transfer one load of laundry, The Baby stripped down and ran out to the backyard. Totally streaking.
03-04-2011 Because of a really random conversation, The Baby is now yelling, “Procreate! Procreate!”
03-07-2011 Playing on floor with The Bees, and The Baby just LAUNCHED herself at me. I think she broke my face.
03-15-2011 Thing I just yelled at The Baby: “It’s not hand lotion, it’s rice!”
Extracting The Baby from inside the Skee-Ball machine. I wish I were kidding.(@ Playworld)
01-17-2011 And then The Baby took my phone and called my mother just to say, “I POOPED IN MY PANTS NOW!”
01-20-2010 I said to The Baby, “You know what you need?” She answered, ”BALLOONS!” #Iwasgonnasaysocks
02-12-2010 The Baby has been talking for an hour and a half, solid. Nonstop. Continuously. The whole time. Words. Loud ones. In my ear.
02-21-2010 The Baby’s hair doesn’t *not* look like Beetlejuice when she wakes up from nap.
02-24-2010 This day began with The Baby demanding a hot dog at 7am. She is a crazyperson, and not to be trusted.
10-01-2010 Things currently mucking up The Baby’s pretty face: ketchup, chocolate milk, Cheetos dust, toothpaste. #MotherOfTheFreakinYear
10-18-2010 I’m teaching The Baby some important etiquette lessons: Kissing Mommy is nice, blowing raspberries in Mommy’s eyeball is not as nice.
10-28-2010 Somebody laced The Baby’s Goldfish with crank. There is no other explanation for her bouncing off the walls. Literally. Bouncing. Off walls.
12-02-2010 And so our morning began with The Baby drinking from the dog’s water bowl. Spectacular.
12-03-2010 The Baby is a freak. She climbed atop kitchen counter, unwrapped all bite-sized chocolates, licked each once, climbed off counter.
08-27-2010 Remember the One with Ross’ Pants? The baby powder and the lotion and the mess? It appears The Baby has seen that episode.
08-31-2010 The Baby has peed in no less than 7 spots in the house this evening. No, we’re not potty training, she just doesn’t like diapers.
09-13-2010 Adding to the list of Things I’ve Found in The Baby’s Diaper: twenty three cents. #twodimes_threepennies
09-16-2010 The Baby is double fisting a hot dog and nilla wafers. Today is not the day I win any parenting prizes.
07-13-2010 The Baby has started saying “Hey homie” and “Whassup?” Apparently she’s being raised in a late 90’s Bud Lite commercial.
8-13-2010 As I was putting The Baby down for a nap, she randomly yelled, ”RAZORBACKS!!” #footballfever
08-22-2010 The Baby just repeated each letter of the alphabet back to @mychapter, til the letter P. After that, everything was “shoes.”
08-23-2010 Yes, she’s almost two years old. Yes, it was the path of least resistance. Yes, I just gave The Baby a sink bath and washed her with Dawn.