#DestructoTot watches funny cat videos on the internets.
Tweets from Her Third Year #5
05-26-2011 Me: “Baby, why are your hands wet?” The Baby: “I was pretending to play in da dog’s watah bowl.” Me: “Pretend to not touch me.” 05-27-2011 The Baby is *always* to blame! Always. RT: @BeccaBuerkle My call failed while talking to @SavannahB. I blame #DestructoTot. 05-28-2011 There is no end to the list of weird stuff #DestructoTot destructs....
Tweets from Her Third Year #4
05-04-2011 Every now and then The Baby looks and acts *just like* John Belushi. I hope this isn’t a portent of things to come. 05-10-2011 Now The Baby is awake and earnestly stage-whispering, “I used to be a pirate! I used to be a PIRATE!” 05-25-2011 Things The Baby has poured out and/or crushed today: potato flakes, the dog’s water, Lucky Charms, my will to go...
Tweets from Her Third Year #3
04-03-2011 When Jeremy asks “What happened to the ___,” or, “Why is the ___ broken,” the answer is always the same: The Baby. 04-07-2011 The Baby just pointed at me accusingly, and in a very low tone said, “You’re on your 96.” 04-11-2011 Tonight at bedtime, The Baby told a joke: “Why did six scared of seven?… Banana who!!” #comedienne 04-12-2011 In the span...
Tweets from Her Third Year #2
03-04-2011 Because of a really random conversation, The Baby is now yelling, “Procreate! Procreate!” 03-07-2011 Playing on floor with The Bees, and The Baby just LAUNCHED herself at me. I think she broke my face. 03-15-2011 Thing I just yelled at The Baby: “It’s not hand lotion, it’s rice!”
True Foursquare Check-In #1
01-21-2011 Extracting The Baby from inside the Skee-Ball machine. I wish I were kidding.(@ Playworld)
Tweets from Her Third Year #1
01-17-2011 And then The Baby took my phone and called my mother just to say, “I POOPED IN MY PANTS NOW!” 01-20-2010 I said to The Baby, “You know what you need?” She answered, ”BALLOONS!” #Iwasgonnasaysocks 02-12-2010 The Baby has been talking for an hour and a half, solid. Nonstop. Continuously. The whole time. Words. Loud ones. In my ear. 02-21-2010 The...
Tweets from Her Second Year #4
10-01-2010 Things currently mucking up The Baby’s pretty face: ketchup, chocolate milk, Cheetos dust, toothpaste. #MotherOfTheFreakinYear 10-18-2010 I’m teaching The Baby some important etiquette lessons: Kissing Mommy is nice, blowing raspberries in Mommy’s eyeball is not as nice. 10-28-2010 Somebody laced The Baby’s Goldfish with crank. There is no other explanation...
Tweets from Her Second Year #3
08-27-2010 Remember the One with Ross’ Pants? The baby powder and the lotion and the mess? It appears The Baby has seen that episode. 08-31-2010 The Baby has peed in no less than 7 spots in the house this evening. No, we’re not potty training, she just doesn’t like diapers. 09-13-2010 Adding to the list of Things I’ve Found in The Baby’s Diaper: twenty three cents....
Tweets from Her Second Year #2
07-13-2010 The Baby has started saying “Hey homie” and “Whassup?” Apparently she’s being raised in a late 90’s Bud Lite commercial. 8-13-2010 As I was putting The Baby down for a nap, she randomly yelled, ”RAZORBACKS!!” #footballfever 08-22-2010 The Baby just repeated each letter of the alphabet back to @mychapter, til the letter P. After that,...