03-04-2011 Because of a really random conversation, The Baby is now yelling, “Procreate! Procreate!”
03-07-2011 Playing on floor with The Bees, and The Baby just LAUNCHED herself at me. I think she broke my face.
03-15-2011 Thing I just yelled at The Baby: “It’s not hand lotion, it’s rice!”
Extracting The Baby from inside the Skee-Ball machine. I wish I were kidding.(@ Playworld)
01-17-2011 And then The Baby took my phone and called my mother just to say, “I POOPED IN MY PANTS NOW!”
01-20-2010 I said to The Baby, “You know what you need?” She answered, ”BALLOONS!” #Iwasgonnasaysocks
02-12-2010 The Baby has been talking for an hour and a half, solid. Nonstop. Continuously. The whole time. Words. Loud ones. In my ear.
02-21-2010 The Baby’s hair doesn’t *not* look like Beetlejuice when she wakes up from nap.
02-24-2010 This day began with The Baby demanding a hot dog at 7am. She is a crazyperson, and not to be trusted.
10-01-2010 Things currently mucking up The Baby’s pretty face: ketchup, chocolate milk, Cheetos dust, toothpaste. #MotherOfTheFreakinYear
10-18-2010 I’m teaching The Baby some important etiquette lessons: Kissing Mommy is nice, blowing raspberries in Mommy’s eyeball is not as nice.
10-28-2010 Somebody laced The Baby’s Goldfish with crank. There is no other explanation for her bouncing off the walls. Literally. Bouncing. Off walls.
12-02-2010 And so our morning began with The Baby drinking from the dog’s water bowl. Spectacular.
12-03-2010 The Baby is a freak. She climbed atop kitchen counter, unwrapped all bite-sized chocolates, licked each once, climbed off counter.
08-27-2010 Remember the One with Ross’ Pants? The baby powder and the lotion and the mess? It appears The Baby has seen that episode.
08-31-2010 The Baby has peed in no less than 7 spots in the house this evening. No, we’re not potty training, she just doesn’t like diapers.
09-13-2010 Adding to the list of Things I’ve Found in The Baby’s Diaper: twenty three cents. #twodimes_threepennies
09-16-2010 The Baby is double fisting a hot dog and nilla wafers. Today is not the day I win any parenting prizes.
07-13-2010 The Baby has started saying “Hey homie” and “Whassup?” Apparently she’s being raised in a late 90’s Bud Lite commercial.
8-13-2010 As I was putting The Baby down for a nap, she randomly yelled, ”RAZORBACKS!!” #footballfever
08-22-2010 The Baby just repeated each letter of the alphabet back to @mychapter, til the letter P. After that, everything was “shoes.”
08-23-2010 Yes, she’s almost two years old. Yes, it was the path of least resistance. Yes, I just gave The Baby a sink bath and washed her with Dawn.
Emptying the dishwasher is exponentially easier when The Baby is not sitting on it.
The new thing that The Baby is shouting, often and loudly, sounds a lot like “SALUD!” It seems I’m raising a drunken Spaniard.
07-12-2010 I walked into The Baby’s room to find her, apres-nap, nekkid in the crib, swinging the diaper around her head.
The things I hear myself say. The Baby was pulling books off the
shelf and I yelled, “Get outta my business!” Surprisingly, she crawled away.
12-2009 The Girl says, all nonchalant, “Mama? The Baby is eating a
spider.” Then she realizes what she said and screams, “A SPIDER!!”
10-09-2009 But what I *really* want to know is how The Baby managed to get spit-up down her BACK.
10-14 The Baby has inherited her sister’s “cute face.” She leans her cheek on a shoulder, smiles, and all witnesses melt from sheer preciousness.
10-19 So, The Baby has learned to give kisses, did I tell you this? Well, she has. She leans her slobbery open mouth into my face and says ”ahh.”
10-23 We had a miserable night. I’m checking The Baby for new teeth, ring worm, missing fingers, or any possible explanation for her craziness.
10-24 The Baby gets so excited every time I pick her up from her crib, I think she pees a little. #mychildthepuppy